Do Not Disturb
by mistique-serenity
Summary: When your insane son puts a "Do Not Disturb" sign on his door, you do NOT disturb him... lest you want to end up yourself disturbed. Professor Membrane learns that the hard way. ZADR


**Do Not Disturb**

"Hm, what's this?"

Professor Membrane studied the "Do Not Disturb" sign on his insane son's bedroom door. That was strange; Dib didn't have that sign before. What was the boy doing in there so important, that he had to put a whole new sign on his door?

Suddenly, the professor came to the single most logical explanation his brilliant mind could muster: "My son must be doing some REAL science in there and is ashamed to admit it, since he never showed any real interest before! Well, that just cannot do! Fear not, my son", he bellowed to the closed door, "for it is nothing to be ashamed of, and I'll prove it!"

Membrane opened the door to his son's bedroom, without bothering to knock first, and was about to go on a rant about the sanctity of real science and its beneficial impact on one's sanity. Unfortunately, the professor immediately and simultaneously got hit by amnesia and muteness, due to the sight he was greeted with.

The three of them sat in utter silence, none daring to either speak or move first. Dib's face and ears were flushed red and one could say that he looked like a tomato with hair. Professor Membrane's face, on the other hand, was completely livid, devoid of any colour, white as a ghost even.

Seeing as the two humans continued their staring contest, and considering the fact that his knees had begun to ache, Zim decided to take matters into his own green hands. Removing his head from between Dib's knees, the alien wiped his mouth of the sticky white human goo, turned towards the shell-shocked man and snarled in his native language at him, before growling in English, whilst putting heavy emphasis on each word:

"DO. YOU. MIND?"

This seemed to break the silence spell, as the older human struggled with words: "YES! No, I mean.. NO! I mean…" He paused for a moment before yelling in the most high-pitched voice the two boys have ever heard in their lives. "EXCUSE ME!" And with that final remark, Professor Membrane spun around, dashed out of the room and slammed the door shut.

The man stared for a full minute at it, breathing heavily, with one hand on his rapidly-beating heart. Another full minute later, Professor Membrane found that he was able of breathing normally, like a normal scientific genius who adored toast, and not like a scared parent who had just witnessed his son-insane son, but still, Dib was his son-having gay sex with his foreign classmate.

Well, they weren't really having homosexual sex, since Dib was merely receiving fellatio, a sexual move widely practiced by heterosexuals all over the world... WAIT, no-no, he was getting off-topic here. His (insane) son was gay! That was bad… right?

Membrane leaned on the railing, as he continued his ponderings. No, that wasn't necessarily bad, actually, considering it was Dib, you could say… that it was, by far, one of the most normal things the boy had ever done!

With a disgruntled sigh, Membrane face-palmed. One thing was certain; his chances of having grandchildren had just gone from minimal to zero. Well, subzero actually, if one also added Gaz into the equation and wanted to get really technical about it and once again, OFF-TOPIC!

'My poor, insane, homosexual son,' he thought. How long had Dib been hiding this from him-HIM, his own, genius father? But then again, he was rarely present in the boy's life, so a situation of this nature and intensity was quite inevitable. Still, it made Membrane's stomach twist and tighten in a most unpleasant way when he remembered all those times Dib needed him, and he wasn't present. He was never there, he was never supportive… he was never the father Dib needed.

"I can't believe you!"

Membrane instantly looked at the door. As muffled as it was, that voice was, undoubtedly, Dib's.

"You said you locked the door!"

"Pfft. Zim lied, Dib-beast."

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!"

The man winced slightly at the increased volume of Dib's voice, concluding that it had been a bad, bad idea to put his ear against the door to eavesdrop.

"What am I gonna do now?"

"What are you lamenting about? We'll lock the door next time."

"No, Zim, you don't understand, I…"

"…"

"…Well, at least now he's absolutely sure that I'm a disappointment. It wasn't enough that I was paranoid, insane and not interested in his so-called 'real science', but now I'm also gay! Fucking fantastic! I… I bet he's thinking just now of a way to throw me out of the house!"

A wave of sadness swept upon Membrane's face. Dib really thought that he was so heartless, so selfish as to abandon him because of such things?

"You're not a disappointment to me."

Membrane pushed his ear once more against the door. Heavy breathing was heard, then a meek, shaky voice whispered, "Thanks Zim. You… you have no idea what that means to me." A sniffle, then he continued, "I'm glad I got you. Otherwise, I really would've gone insane."

Nothing more was heard from beyond the door, as the two boys kept quiet. Membrane carefully removed himself from the door and walked away, down the stairs. He could barely breathe. Whatever went between him and Dib in the past was to be left there and forgotten. He would start anew; he would be the father Dib wanted to have.

The father he wished to have had, he added as an afterthought. His brows furrowed as memories of broken bottles and painful insults surrounded his mental image of his own father. His own father, who laughed at him for wanting to become a scientist, his own father who mocked each and every one of his invention, his own father who…

Membrane sighed. He refused to dwell on the past. But above that, he refused to lose his son the same way his father had lost him. He refused to cause Dib the same pain he had experienced in his childhood. But above that, as well, he refused to crush his dreams. So Dib believed in ghosts and aliens and other such abnormalities; so be it. He would support him, no matter how crazy his theories would be. He would encourage his son to make his own destiny and not follow in his footsteps. But first of all, he would let Dib know that he didn't think any less of him, regardless of his sexual orientation. Yes, he would start with that.

Deciding that it was now or never, the man climbed the stairs once more, heading to Dib's room. On the way, he abruptly stopped and opened a nearby drawer, fishing a small object from a hidden compartment in the back.

Pocketing the unopened box of condoms, Membrane mentally prepared himself, because as soon as he was done with the whole comforting and encouraging thing, he would have to give Dib-and Zim-the good ol' 'talk'. 'They grow up so fast', he chuckled, wiping a lone tear from the corner of his ear, gathering his courage and finally knocking on Dib's door.


End file.
